What are you doing at 2:10 am?

I feel like the month of January flew by like a hamster on a wheel.   Dave and I were booking it in different directions and then the same direction.  I think we slept together, but honestly this last month was so packed with commitments I can only assume.

Dave rarely asks anything of me.  He is super easy going, supportive and understands that I tend to pack my days to the max and then add 2 more things to the day,  just to see what shakes out. I am over scheduled. Then he had the gall to ask me to do a wife thing. He asked me to go with him to the National Cattlemen’s Convention.  Who does he think he is? Why is he being so demanding??? It is dance season! It is judging time! I randomly booked 2 more solos for girls trying out for Chiefs this year (How about that super bowl LIV win!!!!).  I have stuff to do Dave Buehler! I have a calendar! Why are you being so high maintenance?!?!? Because after years of going with me when I asked (mostly driving and muscles to unload the dance trailer) he asked me to go do something important to him and our new company.  I must go.

Deep breaths.  I juggled a big schedule and found substitutes to cover my classes. I’m going to be a wife and support my man.  Figuring out that schedule was even more work than just staying home. I got it done. The flip side of this was my phone blew up while I was being Mrs. Dave Buehler.  “Where are you?” “Do I have to go to class?” “Susie Q ditched ballet because you aren’t here.” “I am pretty sure I have coronavirus so I am going to stay away from the studio but still meet all social obligations this week Miss Ann.”  I feel more exhausted from the conflict of doing what I need to for my husband and our business together, versus the need to be the OCD, control freak studio owner/director I am. Continually working long days everyday and being consistently on call 24/7.  I left highly trained, talented and competent adults in charge. Damn! 

My goal for myself this year is the AA prayer.  “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”   I struggle with knowing the difference. How selfish and vain is that? 

How arrogant and self important do I believe I am.  I definitely don’t feel important. I feel like I can’t keep up most of the time.  Then I step back and realize. I have created this monster. So this year I am trying, admittedly failing, but trying to be in the moment with the commitments I make and give them 1000000+ percent of me for the time allotted, and find a balance for my family life, myself, and my career in the moments I am not focusing on my career. 

Things I love to do that I haven’t done in a while?  Sitting at my river and reading a book. Laughing. Meeting my friends for lunch.  Planting flowers and caring for them. Cooking for people and surprising them with the food I made to make them chubby.  Planning a hiking day trip with a friend and seeing it through. Power walking and listening to music that gets my creativity flowing.  I have so managed, scheduled and calendared myself from 7 am to 10 pm daily that my quality of life has been affected.

So how can I remedy that?  I am giving myself permission to take one day a week off. To not make a plan for the day and let the day happen how it happens.  When you love what you do it can take over. Finding a balance is imperative to continuing to love what you do. Taking a break to be in your own individual moment doing something not career related, will make you a better person in every aspect of your life.   Being a multifaceted individual with many interests and not just one will create a depth to your personal psyche that will make you a more developed individual. Trying to pause and ask yourself, “will the world end as I know it, if I don’t do that right now?” “Am I really that important?”  No. It will not, and no you are not. (Unless someone has CoronaVirus and needs a bottle of Elderberry Immune syrup then I am definitely delivering it.)

Being an entrepreneur is a 24/7/365 days a year endeavor.  There will be things that come up that have to have immediate attention by only you.  No one will care about what is happening in your business more than you. But, it is ok to upon occasion do something for you.  Because the best mentally healthy you, will make for a successful, thriving business for you and the people you are responsible for.  So be crazy, and take that 2 hour lunch upon occasion. You might come back from it and have the most productive day you have had in a long time.

Styled by @julieschuchmann @shopharem

Hair @somerw @paigeroberson_hair

Photos by @auroradawnphotography